Change
by Amphy
Summary: OneShot. What was it in Shimako that fascinated Noriko so much? This is not yuri.


Disclaimer: I do not own Maria-sama ga Miteru.

**Change**

I'm not easily impressed, I know that; I have lived in many cities due to circumstances, and because of that have met many people. Many different people. Not only my classmates, but also teachers, people I met in stores, even people I met on the street. Those who left an impression on me… I can count them on one hand. But even so, none of them really made an impact in my life. So when I was forced to attend my high school years at Lillian Catholic School in Tokyo, I had no expectations whatsoever. True, it was a totally different scene from what I had experienced so far, but I honestly wasn't interested. I even hated the thought of having to attend this all-girls catholic school, with its rules and its 'prim-and-proper-ness'. It all looked so fake. When I finally got there, I observed many girls on my first day of school. I came to the conclusion that they all seemed to look and act alike. It irritated me. I was not like that; I did not flock around at school in seemingly pure innocence. I was interested in matters beyond my reach; that's why the teachings of Buddha fascinated me so much. But the girls at school all appeared to be living in their own, safe world; a world that consisted merely of their soeurs, their friends, their teachers, their hopes and their dreams. I had already accepted that these three years were going to be lonely years. Until I met her.

I guess it was her beauty that first captivated me. She was standing under a sakura tree, her arms held up, her face lifted up a bit, like she wanted to actually smell the leaves that were dancing in the air before falling down to the ground. Frankly, I just wanted to turn around and walk away. But then I noticed I couldn't do that; it was as if my feet were glued to the ground, making it impossible for me to move. The only thing I could do was stare at her. It is weird: never in my life had I noticed a person like that. I'm an observer. I watch people; I watch how they move, how they talk, how they act near one another, how they act when they're alone. Yes, there were some interesting types amongst them, but I only found out after I had observed them for a while. But this girl… I had only laid my eyes on her for a second, but my breath was already taken way. She instantly left an impact on me so great that I knew she had to be special. It was like something was glowing inside of her, a light that lured me to her. When she spoke to me – I'll never forget that moment, because that was the moment when the world seemed to fade away, and it was only her and me – she did not look at me at first. When she finally turned around, I became even more captured by her, if it was even possible at that time. I really did not understand why this girl fascinated me so much. Sure, she was beautiful, but I had met other beautiful girls before. So why was it then that she managed to let me feel something I had never felt before?

We talked a bit before she brushed the sakura-leaves of her shoulder. I don't know why I did it – I had never done such things, because they're a sign of intimacy, and I had hardly been intimate with anyone, nor as a friend, nor as someone's lover – but I said that there were still some leaves in her hair, and reached out to remove them. When I touched her, she closed her eyes as to say that she trusted me completely. We were so close to each other, I could hear her breathing. As I was slowly removing the last leaves, I felt a connection so deep that all I could do was gaze at her. My heart was beating so fast it hurt my chest and nearly choked me. To my embarrassment, I felt myself blushing, which I had never, ever in my life had done. When she said thank you, I snapped out of my daze and quickly let go. She did not mind that I had touched her like that, and as she was walking away, the said that we should meet again. Yes, I wanted very much to meet her again. That was my first encounter with Toudou Shimako.

That night I pondered about what had happened. It was a completely new experience for me; like I said, I'm not easily impressed by things. I felt like I had lost control over my life a bit; I could barely stand it. I needed to see her again, I needed to get to know her but most of all, I needed to know _why_this person affected me so much. I think I've never felt as lost as at that time. To my great amazement and luck, I met her again pretty fast. However, it was at a place I couldn't possibly have imagined. It made her even more fascinating. Later on, as we were waiting for the bus, she explained to me that she was the daughter of a Buddhist priest. When she was talking, I tried to remember every curve of her face, every emotion displayed on that gorgeous face of hers. Normally, I observe people, not with the intention to personally get to know them myself, but more to actually see and learn. When I was watching her however, it dawned to me that I did want to know her on a more personal level. I wanted to know everything about her.

She gave me a Buddhist pendant. It belonged to her, but she wanted me to keep it. I would protect if with my life. When I lost it, I thought my heart was about to burst. It had been the first time someone confided something to me. I must admit, I had never let people get near me enough for them to trust me with something. I had never wanted to. But now I had lost a precious thing from the sole person I wanted to understand, to be friends with. When I was being interrogated at the Maria Ceremony, I knew I had to lie. I wanted to protect her. It surprised me. In the end, it didn't have to go that far, because she stopped me and sacrificed herself. I know it was not that serious, but at that time, it felt like a sacrifice, and I'm sure she had felt that way too. She had been willing to sacrifice herself for me. Of course, now I know what I feel for Shimako, but I did not realise back then. That my heart belonged to her.

I had always thought that the soeur-system was a very odd system. Why on earth would anyone need someone to guide them through their high school years? Teach them proper manners and all that crap? It was another of those weird, not-of-this-time things that occurred at the Lillian Catholic School. I just wanted to talk to Shimako, be her friend. I felt myself changing somehow. I had never talked that much; I had never been so at ease with someone, so calm, natural. I really didn't care if I was her soeur or not. I did not need a title to be close to Shimako. But the fellow members of the student council wanted me to come to the Rose Mansion. It was as if they pushed Shimako into accepting me as her petite soeur. I made it clear to her that I really did not need it. But when I had that argument with Sachiko, something snapped in Shimako. I went after her, yet another uncharacteristic moment for me. I decided I wanted to stay by her side forever. In the pouring rain she made me her petite soeur. Yes, I promised I would stay by her side forever.

Not so much later, I thought I felt why Shimako was so interesting and precious to me. It was because she truly understood me. She understood that I had no need for someone who had no mind of her own, who was always fixated on matters regarding her own life. She accepted my difficult character. She saw what I needed, and she gave it to me. She truly is a perceptive person. I think she must've been like me before – I can't really know for sure – but that might be the reason why she saw my heart. After that, I found myself changing rapidly. It was funny how a person could have such effect on me, but she did. She had a positive effect on me. I still observed people, but I became less distant, less cold. I think I became more of what people refer to as a normal teenage girl. Anyhow, I was having fun with the rest of the Yamayurikai. Of course, it helped that they were all interesting types; they had a lot more in them as you would've imagined at first sight. But this time I did not only watch them from afar; I got to know them better, they became my friends. I even made a very good friend – Matsudaira Touko – who was a girl of my own class. But there was no doubt about it that Shimako would always stay my best friend, my soul mate. As time passed, I truly began to appreciate people's company more, and I was experiencing what I had been avoiding for the first 16 years of my life. The warmth of friendship, the warmth of being accepted. I had never realised how much good it could do to a person. It was all thanks to Shimako, who had carefully led me into this world.

I'm still not an easy person to deal with. But now I do not avoid people anymore, nor do I judge them purely based on my observations. I accept more, and I experience more. This change in my heart is solely the work of Toudou Shimako, and I will always be grateful to her for this.


End file.
